Angry, so very angry (untitled)

Angry, so very angry.
Why am I so angry?
The anger consumes me,
Eats me up inside.
I hate him.
Why does it matter?
Why does he matter?
I hate him.

No...
I don't hate him,
I can't hate him.
I hate how he makes me feel.
How do I feel?
I don't know, I don't know...
Confusion, anger, hurt, love
Love?
Desire?

I don't want to like him.
I don't want to care about him.
Too hard.
I want to be friends.
I want him to go away.
He challenges me.
Do I want his friendship?
Yes... so very badly.
He hurts me...
His criticisms sting...
He doesn't understand.
And yet
Somehow
We are not enemies.
We argue and fight,
Yet there is something there
I don't want to lose.